She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
