you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
