If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
