Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
