Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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