HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it's like heaven, but drunker
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
