I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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