Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
