did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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