Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
