those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
