i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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