yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
