I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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