and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
