There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
