he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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