$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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