i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
