you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
