Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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