Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
