too bad you live with your parents still
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
