She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As shirtless as possible
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
