omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize