I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
