It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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