Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
