remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
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