i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
