Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
they're like a gay fantastic four
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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