Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
