if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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