It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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