even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
