As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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