he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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