I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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