Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
handjob tips. give me some.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
