i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize