Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
