Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
