so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
