i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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