I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
