you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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