I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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