I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
