apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
