Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize