then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
