I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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