When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
