Having a random hookup so left but love u
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
