It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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