I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
