people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
