I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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