Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That accounts for only three of the penises
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
