Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you traded sex for a burrito?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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