4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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