I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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