what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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