I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
