Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
