I got chris browned last night
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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