Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
