there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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