Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This baby is an asshole
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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