i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
