Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
MIDGETS
????
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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