I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my sisters under your porch take her home
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize