maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
