why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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