She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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