I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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