I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
being pregnant is like rehab
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
