My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
