I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
