my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
