I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
