you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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