why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
