I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
