Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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