yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I smell like Dick and happiness
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
