I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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