Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
