I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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